I have, on numerous occasions seen the end of what seemed like, healthy growing relationships for one single reason... Wait for it... My weight! I’m sure many of you would begin to shake your heads in disagreement or even, try to find other reasons why those relationships never lasted.
I’ve never been a skinny girl. I’ve always had what the typical Ghanaian would call BODY. So, it saddens me to realise that guys that get involved with me actually envision a slimmer version of me and try to force me into being that “ideal” woman they fantasise about. The last guy I “fell” in love with would sometimes look at me and make snide remarks about how fat I was and how I needed to lose the extra flesh. And that was after I had lost some weight!
Oh! And there was this guy I had adored since secondary school who told me he had feelings for me via phone. The problem: He hadn’t seen me for years. And when we finally met? He just vanished into thin air after calling me to say that he was “still” interested me. Still? Was my look so repulsive that he had to use the word “still”? Geez... These among many other experiences got me asking myself, “is there a law of nature that forbids plus sized women to find real love”? I know you guys are going to reply by saying that there are men who find plus sized women attractive but, do you think women want a man who likes them because of their size or, one who likes them in spite of their size?
There were times in the past when I would cry myself to sleep and, not eat till my Dad practically begged me to stop the stupidity. You are beautiful, he said. All you need to do is exercise and eat right and you’d be a knockout. Then I would go out for a walk and the guys in the area would start calling me names like “Obolo”, “Obiggie” et al. I’m sure you know how that ended. The worst state of depression ever known to man... having a low self-esteem.
Today, people see me as the flirtatious and sexy plus size woman who has an overdose of confidence. If only they knew how much work it took to get there. A friend once said to me “Enyo, if you can love your flaws, people will follow suit”. That was my moment. I decided to fix what I could. First line of action, lose weight. And I did lose, 35 pounds to be exact. I still have more to lose but, I also love to look at myself in the mirror every morning and say “Damn girl, you’re one hot mama”.
I did digress a little but, I had to so my questions would make sense... So, like I asked, do you guys find the thought of dating a plus sized woman repulsive? Are u dating a plus sized woman? Would you put pressure on your woman to lose weight? Are you embarrassed to be seen with a plus sized lady in public?
I await your thoughts on the issue....
Speaking for only myself,
ReplyDelete1) I've always liked smallish women;
2) I am a smallish man;
3) I've always thought being see with a plus-size woman in public would be curious but defo not repulsive;
4) I have liked plus-size women before and in every case it was in spite of their size and because of their spirit; that is better than almost every petite woman I have liked.
Interesting question. I'm definitely plus-sized (fat, even, if we're not sugarcoating) and almost all the guys I've ever dated have been tall and muscular. My last boyfriend was very skinny though and I always thought that people would look at us weirdly. I have no way of knowing whether this was in my imagination or not!
ReplyDeleteI totally feel you on that whole confidence thing. I've even had a so-called friend tell me that she was so shocked I got so much male attention since I was so fat. Confidence is a complete game-changer in my eyes. Yes I'm fat but I don't think I'm ugly and I'd rather be fat and attractive than skinny and ugly. I'm glad that your mindset has changed from when you were younger and I believe that we should be happy at whatever size we are (as long as we're healthy)
Eno, even though your questions are directed at guys, i am adding my 3p. Forgive me, but it will be a long comment.
ReplyDeleteI commented to a friend sometime last week; i have come to a realization that each stage of my life, i have wished i was 5kg lighter and no more. :)You don't stay one weight forever. I am not the same weight i was when i was a baby but no one is commenting about that. :-P
I am not plus size but i have the tendency to gain weight when i am stressed; not because i eat a lot but because i don't watch what i eat!
I have gained 10kg in the last five months and it annoys be to *#* when people who knew me from high school go like 'you've gained weight o; you look fat o'. I had one such encounter with a girl i barely remember from high school and i felt like bashing her head in. Seriously, i was not amused, mostly because of the scorn i heard in her voice. Looks like i will not be inviting her out for lunch ever, even though we work in the same building. :)
A colleague at work makes snide remarks about the fact that i had gained weight. As if I care, I don't go on the defensive; I tell him i am loving it, though that doesn't stop him from trying to make every compliment i get into an opportunity to say 'but it will be better if she losses weight'
I have had a family member tell me 'you eat more calories than you burn'. What got to me was the look of disgust on the face. What gives!
The only thing that gets me mad about gaining weight is the fact that i can't wear my favorite pair of pants anymore nor the new dress I've never worn; awaiting that perfect occasion. :)
I am not shaken though. I have learned to throw certain comments to the wind. I love myself. :)
Keep the love, gal.
All You need do is Love Yourself and the rest would be taken care of by Mother Nature..I love the confidence..
ReplyDeletei have friends that are plus size and i think if they were skinny, they would be UGLY! just love yourself. Im a size 8 and some people still call me orobo (fat).....i think people can just make stupid remarks sometimes....so dont even bother
ReplyDeleteI say, Skinny body don't suit Everybody.
ReplyDeleteEnyonam you dont have to prove anything to anybody. Especially, the boys down the street with the name-calling etc. They are soooo below you.
I have been in relationships with women bigger than me. If they were repulsive, I wouldn't have dated them at all.
There is one thing that rarely gets mentioned.
When a woman says her guy wants her to lose weight, there is always 2 sides of the story. The guy's story never gets told.
2 of these stories are as follows... and I've already been crucified for one so I doubt that any comments at this point will do worse.
Young lady 1: We met, we clicked, we became a pair. I kept hearing her say "I need to lose some weight". I never made a comment but she cried to her friend the day I came by her place to give her this weightloss formula a co-worker had used successfully.
Young lady 2: We met, clicked and started dating. Then I saw pictures of her skinny self from a few years back. I liked what I saw, and she said Oh yeah, she looked good back then. I decided, and worked with her to get back to that weight. She loves being back at that size. (she gained it all back after we split).
I think it depends on how a woman's weight (or anybody's challenge) is discussed. You didn't seem to have a problem with your dad when he suggested what to do to lose weight, but you did with your boyfriend.
That confirms that when it comes to a woman's weight, it depends on who is talking and how it is said.
Feel free to pelt me with rocks & a lesson, if I'm out of line.
@ Mike: I agree with you on the point that skinny doesn't look good on everybody.
ReplyDeleteLol! You got her a weight loss formula? Interesting.... No wonder she felt you were upset with her weight.
I didn't have a problem with my Dad because of the way he said it and the look in his eyes when he said it. As for boyfriend.... his look was so not a loving one.
@ Didi, Sisi and Tetekai: Thanks guys. You rock!
@ Sankofa: You are right! The health part is important. That's all that matters.
@ Nana: You are smallish.
She is smallish.
I know you like plus sized ladies.:-) Cus you like me! :-p
my dear being a plus size lady comes with a lot of issues in GHANA................i broke up with my boyfriend just yesterday because he thinks i should lose weight and be sexy..i asked him who told him a plus size lady cant be sexy.....i told him i wil only be sexy if we break up. and he agreed....i have being fat from day one....i have been looked down upon because am a plus size....am always greatful to my HIGH SCHOOL headmistress she gave me the CONFIDENCE i have today.......all my friends are not skinny and also not fat. but we make the best out of friendship
ReplyDeleteam trying to keep my weight down...but not because of any guy. am winnig
,
Good for you, Anisa! I'm glad you are not looking for validation from anyone but yourself. It's always frustrating when the guy who asked you out when you were fat suddenly realized one day that you needed to lose weight. When any guy says that to you, just let him get-a-stepping or better yet, let him watch your fabulous behind as your click your heels and walk away.
DeleteOnly you have the right to decide whether you are sexy or not. I say OWN IT!!!!