Memories From My Early Twenties: You Haven't Done The Deed Yet?

I've always been a hopeless romantic; at least for as long as I can remember. Yes, I am one of those romance flick aficionados who would cry when after so many obstacles, the hero and heroine of the movie finally declare their love for each other and share a passionate kiss. Well, I guess I learnt at a very early age that those movies were just that - movies. Where do such perfectly calculated endings happen? Not in this world I'm sure.

Anyway, back to the heart of this post. I was 22 and in my final year as an undergraduate at the University of Ghana. I had just returned from a group discussion with one of my closest friends whom, for the sake of anonymity I will call L. L and I  resided at the same hostel and usually did a lot of things together, except when her boyfriend was around. And he was around a whole lot! This made me feel a bit lonely since I would leave them (I no dey like being third wheel). 

So, one day I decide to take a stab at making new "male" friends online. HI5 was the most popular social network at the time, and thanks to the internet cafe within the hostel, I could be online at anytime. I created a profile and began to make friends. A few happened to be students at UG and asked to hang out sometime, but I was a bit nervous and always gave excuses. That happened till I met a guy who seemed friendly and gentlemanly enough. After a couple of chats we exchanged numbers, hung out a couple of times and became very good friends.

Now, at 22 my thoughts on intimacy were quite rigid. It was a wait till marriage affair for me. Heck! I had guys call me frigid because I wouldn't let them touch me in a certain way or initiate anything that would end in a condom being unwrapped, but I was determined not to allow any boy make me weaken my resolve. I saw what some of my friends had gone through and wasn't prepared to lose my mind over a guy. Besides, despite my not-so-commendable relationship with the good Lord, that was one commandment I felt I could at least try to keep.

So, one night as I was telling one of my girlfriends about how I had turned away as this new "boy" friend tried to steal a kiss, another crazy friend of mine screams and says "Oh Enyo! Don't tell me you still haven't done the deed yet." I can still remember the look I got from the lot when I said I was still "Juana La Virgin" at 22. Did they also think I was insane or frigid? Well, they must have for one bluntly stated that I had watched too many "hit and run" movies, which had made me "scared of four legs". I still laugh anytime I hear someone use that term "four legs". Am I the only one who thinks it's quite crass? I was given an earful about how; the first time was painful, the longer I waited the worse the pain got, men wanted "sexually experienced" women to marry. Oh my! It was as if keeping the V untouched at my age was a felony. 

Looking back, I realize that I was one of the lucky ones who didn't give in to peer pressure. I took pride in being different. Why be like everyone else when you can be you. After all, it is differences that are noticed, not similarities. 

Utopia

We are connected in ways that go beyond romance.

Our bond has stood the test of time, distance and

Changes in our individual lives

As I long to hear from you each day

I realise your voice makes me safe in an inexplicable way

You’re my friend and at the same time my lover
You’re silly, mature, caring, crazy, thoughtful, smart and honest
And it’s a fact that your voice caresses my very soul.
Oh! that laugh... so provocatively deep.
It gives me delight that we share the same sense of humour and thought

You are all I ever wanted
And all I will ever need
I dreamed of you since I was 16
And now you’re here
Finally! I’ve found utopia... .

Sure Thing....

Your name's always last on my lips
Before I close my eyes and fall asleep
Then the morning comes and it's you on my mind
Before I even thank the Lord for the night I survived.
You're like the drug
I can't stop taking
Sometimes I get scared that I might be acting
Like a love freak on the verge of a breakdown
As the plethora of emotions come over me
Every time I see that smile that sends my heart racing...
I wouldn't dare deny it
Cus in the world full of uncertainties
My love for you is a sure thing.

The Plus Size Girl + Romance = A Strange Mix?

I have, on numerous occasions seen the end of what seemed like, healthy growing relationships for one single reason... Wait for it... My weight! I’m sure many of you would begin to shake your heads in disagreement or even, try to find other reasons why those relationships never lasted.

I’ve never been a skinny girl. I’ve always had what the typical Ghanaian would call BODY. So, it saddens me to realise that guys that get involved with me actually envision a slimmer version of me and try to force me into being that “ideal” woman they fantasise about. The last guy I “fell” in love with would sometimes look at me and make snide remarks about how fat I was and how I needed to lose the extra flesh. And that was after I had lost some weight!

Oh! And there was this guy I had adored since secondary school who told me he had feelings for me via phone. The problem: He hadn’t seen me for years. And when we finally met? He just vanished into thin air after calling me to say that he was “still” interested me. Still? Was my look so repulsive that he had to use the word “still”? Geez... These among many other experiences got me asking myself, “is there a law of nature that forbids plus sized women to find real love”? I know you guys are going to reply by saying that there are men who find plus sized women attractive but, do you think women want a man who likes them because of their size or, one who likes them in spite of their size?

There were times in the past when I would cry myself to sleep and, not eat till my Dad practically begged me to stop the stupidity. You are beautiful, he said. All you need to do is exercise and eat right and you’d be a knockout. Then I would go out for a walk and the guys in the area would start calling me names like “Obolo”, “Obiggie” et al. I’m sure you know how that ended. The worst state of depression ever known to man... having a low self-esteem.

Today, people see me as the flirtatious and sexy plus size woman who has an overdose of confidence. If only they knew how much work it took to get there. A friend once said to me “Enyo, if you can love your flaws, people will follow suit”. That was my moment. I decided to fix what I could. First line of action, lose weight. And I did lose, 35 pounds to be exact. I still have more to lose but, I also love to look at myself in the mirror every morning and say “Damn girl, you’re one hot mama”.

I did digress a little but, I had to so my questions would make sense... So, like I asked, do you guys find the thought of dating a plus sized woman repulsive? Are u dating a plus sized woman? Would you put pressure on your woman to lose weight? Are you embarrassed to be seen with a plus sized lady in public?

I await your thoughts on the issue....

Intoxicating Love……

I can’t pretend that I’m not feeling
This strong passion, so consuming
One look at you is all its taking
To disrupt the rhythmic sound of my heart beating
It's dangerous but still,
I’m falling…

My friends keep warning me
A guy like you is toxic.
But all I long for is to be intoxicated
By the taste of your lips
As they land on mine….
I don’t need to imagine
That they’d taste like wine
From the sweetest vineyards of all time……

I can’t do this
Not anymore…..
Lines are one thing, actions another
I believe the saying is…
Less is more...
Be mine.. cus more is in store….

Still Missing You……….

I woke up this morning

With you on my mind

Remembering your smile

And your dark and smooth skin

Those strong arms

That made me feel warm and safe

And sure that harm can’t stand a chance

 

Your voice always had me

Yes, my heart really did skip a beat

And my knees always went weak, literally.

I was reminiscing about all those times

The good, when you made me laugh

And stroked my hair

The bad, when you listened to my problems

And offered soothing words to calm my nerves

 

I remember how you would look deeply

Into my eyes anytime they met mine

Oh! This is torture.

I have to stop this now

But I can’t stop thinking about you

I thought I was over you

But now, I’m missing you more and more

As the seconds go by.

Love Drug………..

Its 10pm

On a cold weekday evening

And raindrops are trickling down the glass louvers.

Johnny Gill’s “My My My”

Plays softly in the background

As you caress my cheeks

And leave a trail of passionate kisses

That send waves of pleasure

Along my already shivering spine

You smile in surprise

As my innocence blows your mind

And your attitude excites me.

Goodness! I’m addicted to you

Like a junkie is to heroin

And I don’t even need

A needle & syringe

To get me high

So baby, hold me tight

And take me to my happy place

Cus I’m ready for another dosage

Of this drug called love….

The One…

Its another weekday evening and whilst everyone else is probably sipping wine and relaxing after a long day at work, having dinner out with friends, or talking to their significant others about the hectic happenings that occurred during the day,  here I am, listening to JD’s discovery, Dondria’s single “ You’re the one”, and staring at the blank document page on my laptop.

Listening to the lyrics of the song got me thinking. Yep, my mind is simultaneously playing a constant roll of memories and trying to find reasons behind each memory.  How do you determine who “the one” is? Do we look for people who are uncharacteristically thoughtful, or people who are considerate of our feelings and continue to tolerate us when we are being selfish, mean and complete jerks at the same time.

I sometimes ask my friends, “How do you know that this one person is the one you are supposed to spend the rest of your existence on this earth with?” Are there specific signs or is it just a feeling that can’t be controlled? Well guess what, none of my friends have ever given any other answer apart from “You just know”.

Lets face it: My love life is pretty much a giant crap show. I’ve had my heart ripped out of my chest one too many times. So, after failed relationships which started with the conviction that those guys, at various points in time were supposed to be “the one for me”. I’m sure anyone can understand why I’m asking these questions… Or? What do you say, person reading this post?

I would sometimes lie in bed at night, hoping and praying that my ex would call and make a confession of remorse for hurting my feelings but, I finally realized that it was just a waste of time on someone who probably isn’t great for me. After all, it seemed he always had time for every other thing but me.

Personally, I believe that in love the other person must be your priority and vice versa. So why allow someone in your past to occupy a sizeable apartment in your brain? Totally pointless…

So for now, my heart is being be kept under lock and key… at least, till i find the “The One”.

Crazy Love.......

Hey folks, hope you all having a great day.. Yayy... its Friday (which happens to be my birth day) but sadly, my weekend is gonna be so busy that I may not be able to have some fun.. :-(

Anyways, since its the month of Love, here's a little something something that I wrote when I was thinking about my boo-boo. Hope you like it....

It’s raining outside

As I lay in my bed

Dreaming and wishing

That I was with you

For I really miss you

I remember how it felt

To be in your arms

Realised I never knew

How sweet, love could be

Till you kissed my lips

I remember the experience

Like it was yesterday

Combine the finest of drinks

And it wouldn’t taste the same

I’ve never met a guy

Quite like you

You’ve taken my heart

Plus the rest of my being too

Like a modern day Adonis

The charm still disarms me

Everytime you smile

Could keep writing lines

Morning, noon till night

But I’d rather keep it straight

For the point’s already made

Simply put baby,

I’m crazy about you..

P.S Have a great weekend and don't forget to get something nice for the special people in your life this Valentine.. It doesn't have to be the most expensive of gifts, just something from the heart...

Love y'all....... Peace...

A Forbidden Desire....

It’s a cold harmattan night,

With no stars in sight

We lie in each other’s arms,

Content with life’s charms

I sigh with desire

As the scent of his perfume

Caresses my nostrils

My body shivers at his touch

As his hands find my sensual spots

His kisses create muscular spasms

My back arcs with yearning,

As natural forces propel me

My mind tells me no

But my body screams yes, yes and yes

Is this the right time? I ask

For I have known no man.

One part of me pleads yea, yea!

And the other screams, Hell No!

But then, I have more time to decide

For the rudely interrupting phone call,

Was my saviour in disguise.