Memories From My Early Twenties: You Haven't Done The Deed Yet?

I've always been a hopeless romantic; at least for as long as I can remember. Yes, I am one of those romance flick aficionados who would cry when after so many obstacles, the hero and heroine of the movie finally declare their love for each other and share a passionate kiss. Well, I guess I learnt at a very early age that those movies were just that - movies. Where do such perfectly calculated endings happen? Not in this world I'm sure.

Anyway, back to the heart of this post. I was 22 and in my final year as an undergraduate at the University of Ghana. I had just returned from a group discussion with one of my closest friends whom, for the sake of anonymity I will call L. L and I  resided at the same hostel and usually did a lot of things together, except when her boyfriend was around. And he was around a whole lot! This made me feel a bit lonely since I would leave them (I no dey like being third wheel). 

So, one day I decide to take a stab at making new "male" friends online. HI5 was the most popular social network at the time, and thanks to the internet cafe within the hostel, I could be online at anytime. I created a profile and began to make friends. A few happened to be students at UG and asked to hang out sometime, but I was a bit nervous and always gave excuses. That happened till I met a guy who seemed friendly and gentlemanly enough. After a couple of chats we exchanged numbers, hung out a couple of times and became very good friends.

Now, at 22 my thoughts on intimacy were quite rigid. It was a wait till marriage affair for me. Heck! I had guys call me frigid because I wouldn't let them touch me in a certain way or initiate anything that would end in a condom being unwrapped, but I was determined not to allow any boy make me weaken my resolve. I saw what some of my friends had gone through and wasn't prepared to lose my mind over a guy. Besides, despite my not-so-commendable relationship with the good Lord, that was one commandment I felt I could at least try to keep.

So, one night as I was telling one of my girlfriends about how I had turned away as this new "boy" friend tried to steal a kiss, another crazy friend of mine screams and says "Oh Enyo! Don't tell me you still haven't done the deed yet." I can still remember the look I got from the lot when I said I was still "Juana La Virgin" at 22. Did they also think I was insane or frigid? Well, they must have for one bluntly stated that I had watched too many "hit and run" movies, which had made me "scared of four legs". I still laugh anytime I hear someone use that term "four legs". Am I the only one who thinks it's quite crass? I was given an earful about how; the first time was painful, the longer I waited the worse the pain got, men wanted "sexually experienced" women to marry. Oh my! It was as if keeping the V untouched at my age was a felony. 

Looking back, I realize that I was one of the lucky ones who didn't give in to peer pressure. I took pride in being different. Why be like everyone else when you can be you. After all, it is differences that are noticed, not similarities. 

Boredom

As I sit in a cold air-conditioned office

My mind cries in agony

At the realization of what the day will be

Till 5pm when I can flee

 

A dull day isn’t my thing

Being eclectic is in my nature

And hearing my phone ring every 3 minutes

Forms a major part of my day

Today , however is different

Silence takes charge

And as I hear the ticks and tocks on the clock

I’m near the point of losing my mind

 

I resort to daydreaming

But that doesn’t seem to be working

Wondering what to do

I look at my screen and find myself

In a land called Blogosphere

Finally, my face is brightly-lit

Cos Mr. Happy arrives

As I soliloquize.

4 and 20 Hours Loving…….

Am I living in a dream world

Or is this the real realm?

Just an innocent touch from you

Lights my fire

And your  friendly kisses take me higher

You make me smile with happiness

Even when  I feel the opposite

 

You helped me to discover me

When others just couldn’t see

The kind of potential within me

I guess it was their jealousy

Of the extent of my versatility

That fuelled their need to drive me crazy

 

But it doesn’t matter now

For as I walk out my front door

My feet lead me to your patio

And since time waits for no man

I’m here tell you this

My heart beats for you

Every 4 and 20 hours

And 7 days per week.

The One…

Its another weekday evening and whilst everyone else is probably sipping wine and relaxing after a long day at work, having dinner out with friends, or talking to their significant others about the hectic happenings that occurred during the day,  here I am, listening to JD’s discovery, Dondria’s single “ You’re the one”, and staring at the blank document page on my laptop.

Listening to the lyrics of the song got me thinking. Yep, my mind is simultaneously playing a constant roll of memories and trying to find reasons behind each memory.  How do you determine who “the one” is? Do we look for people who are uncharacteristically thoughtful, or people who are considerate of our feelings and continue to tolerate us when we are being selfish, mean and complete jerks at the same time.

I sometimes ask my friends, “How do you know that this one person is the one you are supposed to spend the rest of your existence on this earth with?” Are there specific signs or is it just a feeling that can’t be controlled? Well guess what, none of my friends have ever given any other answer apart from “You just know”.

Lets face it: My love life is pretty much a giant crap show. I’ve had my heart ripped out of my chest one too many times. So, after failed relationships which started with the conviction that those guys, at various points in time were supposed to be “the one for me”. I’m sure anyone can understand why I’m asking these questions… Or? What do you say, person reading this post?

I would sometimes lie in bed at night, hoping and praying that my ex would call and make a confession of remorse for hurting my feelings but, I finally realized that it was just a waste of time on someone who probably isn’t great for me. After all, it seemed he always had time for every other thing but me.

Personally, I believe that in love the other person must be your priority and vice versa. So why allow someone in your past to occupy a sizeable apartment in your brain? Totally pointless…

So for now, my heart is being be kept under lock and key… at least, till i find the “The One”.

Stronger With Each Tear

There are no words or ways to show

All the thoughts I’m thinking of…

I reflect on my past actions

Oh! the crazy things I did

Just to show my passion

 

You were all I always wanted

Everything I thought I needed

I’m sure I reinvented the true meaning

Of what people call a yearning

 

But then you left

And it felt like the sun

Was taken from my sky

I must confess I’m still confused

And can’t help but feel used

Tell me why I had to pay the wrong price

For falling deeply for you

 

They say time heals the wounds

So why do mine still feel new?

Why does my heart still skip a beat

Anytime I hear your name

Why does my body spontaneously tremble

Anytime I  smell your sweet perfume?

 

I cried for many nights

Till my reservoir of tears was totally depleted

I prayed that you would come back

And fantasized for hours on end

About a love that wasn’t real

And a past, not  to be revived

 

But tonight as I sit in my quiet bedroom

Smiling and typing away on these little keys

I realize one positive thing

In this whirlwind of negative emotions…

That which doesn’t kill you

Makes you stronger

After the tears have dried.

Confession Of Love…..

Sitting in a dark room
Thinking of lines to express
Feelings that I can’t repress
I close my eyes and sigh
As thoughts of you give me an unexplained high

Since the day we met
The calls and txts, though infrequent
Made my heart stop every time
Your name appeared as Caller ID
We would talk for hours and hours
With me smiling and blushing on the other end

That’s when I knew
That it was you and you alone
Cos what we have is uniquely sweet
And pleasantly unrefined
Yeah yeah yeah.... I confess
Listening to that Luther CD
Made me realize.....

One thing that I can’t deny
Is that my red heart goes blue
Like the cold ocean
When I’m not with you
See baby... its true
I’m so in love with you

PARALLEL LINES

I've been trying to connect with you

Ever since that day that you caught my eye

But you kinda shy and that just keeps

Setting you at such a distant reach

But your smile always warms my heart

Even when we're walking

In parallel lines.

So today I'm gonna do a really brave thing

I heard you got the Chrysler for the weekend

Maybe you could give me a ride to the station

And hopefully, close up the distance

Between the parallel lines that seperate us.

A Forbidden Desire....

It’s a cold harmattan night,

With no stars in sight

We lie in each other’s arms,

Content with life’s charms

I sigh with desire

As the scent of his perfume

Caresses my nostrils

My body shivers at his touch

As his hands find my sensual spots

His kisses create muscular spasms

My back arcs with yearning,

As natural forces propel me

My mind tells me no

But my body screams yes, yes and yes

Is this the right time? I ask

For I have known no man.

One part of me pleads yea, yea!

And the other screams, Hell No!

But then, I have more time to decide

For the rudely interrupting phone call,

Was my saviour in disguise.