A Message To The One I Love

 In the echoes of our shared history,

A tapestry woven with love's mystery.

Yet your absence leaves my heart torn,

In the silence, a yearning, a love forlorn.

Each day, the yearning only grows,

A melody of love, a story that flows.

But in this dance, a restraint appears,

A priority unmet, fueling my fears.

Beneath the surface, emotions hide,

A truth we can't ignore, can't cast aside.

For us to thrive, priorities must align,

Acknowledging the hurdles, now is the time.

In the midst of two worlds, economies frail,

Struggling with distance, love's ship sets sail.

African countries with burdens untold,

Yet finance strains, a story unfolds.

Your absence, like a puzzle unsolved,

Love persists, but can it be evolved?

To move forward, priorities must align,

Remove the obstacles, ask, "Is it time?"

In the garden of us, let understanding bloom,

Face the challenges, dispel the gloom.

Wisdom whispers, let's honestly see,

If the path ahead is meant to be.

So, let's rewrite our story, you and I,

Acknowledging the obstacles, aiming for the sky.

In the canvas of time, seek the heart,

Remove the barriers, make a fresh start.

Written by Enyo

12.01.24

Making My Blue Heart Red Again.

When we first met, I didn't think it possible 
My heart, so cold was frozen by the past hurt 
It was kept under lock and key 
But with all the strength I had 
I couldn't fight the feeling deep within 

I tried not to think of you 
To tell myself that what I felt was a mistake 
That I was fine being all by myself 
A lie, even I could not convince myself was true 

I see you and a unique kind of warmth just captures my whole being 
I battle with my feelings as I try to keep you from making my blue heart red again 
For I am afraid you will hurt me 
Afraid my heart will freeze again and the numbness worse than before 

I told myself "don't love him for you will only get hurt" 
Then i closed my eyes and there you were 
Reminding me of all the things I feel 

I'm tired of holding back. 
My longing for you overcame my fear 
Your gentle touch conquered my defenses 
And when you held me in your arms and said you loved me 
The glacier in my heart began to melt 
As the warmth of your love filled my soul.

Utopia

We are connected in ways that go beyond romance.

Our bond has stood the test of time, distance and

Changes in our individual lives

As I long to hear from you each day

I realise your voice makes me safe in an inexplicable way

You’re my friend and at the same time my lover
You’re silly, mature, caring, crazy, thoughtful, smart and honest
And it’s a fact that your voice caresses my very soul.
Oh! that laugh... so provocatively deep.
It gives me delight that we share the same sense of humour and thought

You are all I ever wanted
And all I will ever need
I dreamed of you since I was 16
And now you’re here
Finally! I’ve found utopia... .

Sure Thing....

Your name's always last on my lips
Before I close my eyes and fall asleep
Then the morning comes and it's you on my mind
Before I even thank the Lord for the night I survived.
You're like the drug
I can't stop taking
Sometimes I get scared that I might be acting
Like a love freak on the verge of a breakdown
As the plethora of emotions come over me
Every time I see that smile that sends my heart racing...
I wouldn't dare deny it
Cus in the world full of uncertainties
My love for you is a sure thing.

The Plus Size Girl + Romance = A Strange Mix?

I have, on numerous occasions seen the end of what seemed like, healthy growing relationships for one single reason... Wait for it... My weight! I’m sure many of you would begin to shake your heads in disagreement or even, try to find other reasons why those relationships never lasted.

I’ve never been a skinny girl. I’ve always had what the typical Ghanaian would call BODY. So, it saddens me to realise that guys that get involved with me actually envision a slimmer version of me and try to force me into being that “ideal” woman they fantasise about. The last guy I “fell” in love with would sometimes look at me and make snide remarks about how fat I was and how I needed to lose the extra flesh. And that was after I had lost some weight!

Oh! And there was this guy I had adored since secondary school who told me he had feelings for me via phone. The problem: He hadn’t seen me for years. And when we finally met? He just vanished into thin air after calling me to say that he was “still” interested me. Still? Was my look so repulsive that he had to use the word “still”? Geez... These among many other experiences got me asking myself, “is there a law of nature that forbids plus sized women to find real love”? I know you guys are going to reply by saying that there are men who find plus sized women attractive but, do you think women want a man who likes them because of their size or, one who likes them in spite of their size?

There were times in the past when I would cry myself to sleep and, not eat till my Dad practically begged me to stop the stupidity. You are beautiful, he said. All you need to do is exercise and eat right and you’d be a knockout. Then I would go out for a walk and the guys in the area would start calling me names like “Obolo”, “Obiggie” et al. I’m sure you know how that ended. The worst state of depression ever known to man... having a low self-esteem.

Today, people see me as the flirtatious and sexy plus size woman who has an overdose of confidence. If only they knew how much work it took to get there. A friend once said to me “Enyo, if you can love your flaws, people will follow suit”. That was my moment. I decided to fix what I could. First line of action, lose weight. And I did lose, 35 pounds to be exact. I still have more to lose but, I also love to look at myself in the mirror every morning and say “Damn girl, you’re one hot mama”.

I did digress a little but, I had to so my questions would make sense... So, like I asked, do you guys find the thought of dating a plus sized woman repulsive? Are u dating a plus sized woman? Would you put pressure on your woman to lose weight? Are you embarrassed to be seen with a plus sized lady in public?

I await your thoughts on the issue....

Wishes……..

Walking indolently on a quiet street
I listen to sad love songs
As flashbacks of the times we’ve had
Remind me of the emptiness I feel
Now that you are not around

There was a time in the past
When I was yours
And you were mine
Together we were like beautiful music
Each note perfectly in place

Words can’t describe what it felt like
To have you kiss away all the sad tears
And crack little teasing jokes
Till you saw me struggle to hide my smile
Oh! the feeling was sublime.

Through the good and the bad
I’d been so glad to be with you
But now you’re gone
Leaving nothing but wishes and unfulfilled dreams
And the smell of your cologne
On every sheet I own

I know I should leave you in the past
And move on with my life
But it’ll take time
To control these feelings of you……

Sometimes I think of you and sigh……
If only I could have you hold me
Through the cold and rainy night
I would wake up to a morning
That is warm and bright.
But sadly, all I can do is wish…..

Intoxicating Love……

I can’t pretend that I’m not feeling
This strong passion, so consuming
One look at you is all its taking
To disrupt the rhythmic sound of my heart beating
It's dangerous but still,
I’m falling…

My friends keep warning me
A guy like you is toxic.
But all I long for is to be intoxicated
By the taste of your lips
As they land on mine….
I don’t need to imagine
That they’d taste like wine
From the sweetest vineyards of all time……

I can’t do this
Not anymore…..
Lines are one thing, actions another
I believe the saying is…
Less is more...
Be mine.. cus more is in store….

Dating A Friend Of The Ex.........

I happened to be having an interesting conversation via phone with the ex (who is still a very good friend) when a female friend's name comes up. So, as he asks questions about what my friend has been up to, I ask him why he is interested in the details and that was when he said: Afua, I would never date your friends. I just can't do it.

Why?, I asked. He just said, I can't do it. Now, it got me thinking....... If we are no longer in a relationship and, he happens to like my friend and that feeling is reciprocated by her, what would be stopping them from hooking up? Me? Would that be fair?

To put it plainly, I don't know how I would handle such a situation cus, repressed feelings and erased feelings are two different things and I honestly don't know where the ex stands as far as those two categories of "feelings are concerned".

Would love to know your thoughts? How would you react? Are you for or against the whole idea?

Still Missing You……….

I woke up this morning

With you on my mind

Remembering your smile

And your dark and smooth skin

Those strong arms

That made me feel warm and safe

And sure that harm can’t stand a chance

 

Your voice always had me

Yes, my heart really did skip a beat

And my knees always went weak, literally.

I was reminiscing about all those times

The good, when you made me laugh

And stroked my hair

The bad, when you listened to my problems

And offered soothing words to calm my nerves

 

I remember how you would look deeply

Into my eyes anytime they met mine

Oh! This is torture.

I have to stop this now

But I can’t stop thinking about you

I thought I was over you

But now, I’m missing you more and more

As the seconds go by.

4 and 20 Hours Loving…….

Am I living in a dream world

Or is this the real realm?

Just an innocent touch from you

Lights my fire

And your  friendly kisses take me higher

You make me smile with happiness

Even when  I feel the opposite

 

You helped me to discover me

When others just couldn’t see

The kind of potential within me

I guess it was their jealousy

Of the extent of my versatility

That fuelled their need to drive me crazy

 

But it doesn’t matter now

For as I walk out my front door

My feet lead me to your patio

And since time waits for no man

I’m here tell you this

My heart beats for you

Every 4 and 20 hours

And 7 days per week.

Sealing Broken Fragments

You break my heart
Then turn around
To say you care
And even dare
To seal the fragments
That were created the day you broke my heart
But darling, baby.
That’s a journey, my heart won’t embark on
Not with you at the driver’s seat
Cos these broken fragments
Were replaced with a brand new heart
And guess what, its custom made
From a rare form of stone
So now, as the door opens
Please take a cue
For I’ve got lots to do.

Love Drug………..

Its 10pm

On a cold weekday evening

And raindrops are trickling down the glass louvers.

Johnny Gill’s “My My My”

Plays softly in the background

As you caress my cheeks

And leave a trail of passionate kisses

That send waves of pleasure

Along my already shivering spine

You smile in surprise

As my innocence blows your mind

And your attitude excites me.

Goodness! I’m addicted to you

Like a junkie is to heroin

And I don’t even need

A needle & syringe

To get me high

So baby, hold me tight

And take me to my happy place

Cus I’m ready for another dosage

Of this drug called love….

The One…

Its another weekday evening and whilst everyone else is probably sipping wine and relaxing after a long day at work, having dinner out with friends, or talking to their significant others about the hectic happenings that occurred during the day,  here I am, listening to JD’s discovery, Dondria’s single “ You’re the one”, and staring at the blank document page on my laptop.

Listening to the lyrics of the song got me thinking. Yep, my mind is simultaneously playing a constant roll of memories and trying to find reasons behind each memory.  How do you determine who “the one” is? Do we look for people who are uncharacteristically thoughtful, or people who are considerate of our feelings and continue to tolerate us when we are being selfish, mean and complete jerks at the same time.

I sometimes ask my friends, “How do you know that this one person is the one you are supposed to spend the rest of your existence on this earth with?” Are there specific signs or is it just a feeling that can’t be controlled? Well guess what, none of my friends have ever given any other answer apart from “You just know”.

Lets face it: My love life is pretty much a giant crap show. I’ve had my heart ripped out of my chest one too many times. So, after failed relationships which started with the conviction that those guys, at various points in time were supposed to be “the one for me”. I’m sure anyone can understand why I’m asking these questions… Or? What do you say, person reading this post?

I would sometimes lie in bed at night, hoping and praying that my ex would call and make a confession of remorse for hurting my feelings but, I finally realized that it was just a waste of time on someone who probably isn’t great for me. After all, it seemed he always had time for every other thing but me.

Personally, I believe that in love the other person must be your priority and vice versa. So why allow someone in your past to occupy a sizeable apartment in your brain? Totally pointless…

So for now, my heart is being be kept under lock and key… at least, till i find the “The One”.

Stronger With Each Tear

There are no words or ways to show

All the thoughts I’m thinking of…

I reflect on my past actions

Oh! the crazy things I did

Just to show my passion

 

You were all I always wanted

Everything I thought I needed

I’m sure I reinvented the true meaning

Of what people call a yearning

 

But then you left

And it felt like the sun

Was taken from my sky

I must confess I’m still confused

And can’t help but feel used

Tell me why I had to pay the wrong price

For falling deeply for you

 

They say time heals the wounds

So why do mine still feel new?

Why does my heart still skip a beat

Anytime I hear your name

Why does my body spontaneously tremble

Anytime I  smell your sweet perfume?

 

I cried for many nights

Till my reservoir of tears was totally depleted

I prayed that you would come back

And fantasized for hours on end

About a love that wasn’t real

And a past, not  to be revived

 

But tonight as I sit in my quiet bedroom

Smiling and typing away on these little keys

I realize one positive thing

In this whirlwind of negative emotions…

That which doesn’t kill you

Makes you stronger

After the tears have dried.

Secrets of A Love Fiend.......

Its been 3 months, 4 days and 6 hours
Since we ended the thing called us
But my knees still weaken
When I see your name on my fon.

Hearing your voice on the radio
Always mesmerizes me
I still can't seem to help it
Cus I always grow so weak
Anytime I feel you close

I know we agreed
That we should still be friends
Since we have a lot in common
And care about one another.

But I'm not sure I can do this
Cus I fall harder for you
When I try to erase what I feel
I can't stop my feelings
Everything I try just fails me

You're all I think about
My heart keeps beating only for you
I keep trying to deny it to myself
Pretending I don't have these feelings
And lying to myself

But the painful truth is
I'm addicted to everything you.
The past, the present and possible future.

Love…

I never thought that

I would feel this different

And I never thought your touch

Would make my senses different

As I try to fathom out what this feelings mean

I hear your voice whisper gently in my ears

“Baby this time things would be different”

Is that why my temperature seems to rise

When your warm hand caresses my cheek?

Or when you tell me my kind

Is an endangered species that must be handled with care?

Or when you hold me carefully

Like a precious commodity not found

In any marketplace?

(Sigh) the tears well up in my eyes now

As you look at me with tender yet surprised eyes

Failing to realize that you blow my mind each second

With the one feeling no one has ever shown me

To a magnitude such as this.

So my conclusion only makes sense.

Now I’m not afraid to let go

And experience this thing we call love

One more time………

Confession Of Love…..

Sitting in a dark room
Thinking of lines to express
Feelings that I can’t repress
I close my eyes and sigh
As thoughts of you give me an unexplained high

Since the day we met
The calls and txts, though infrequent
Made my heart stop every time
Your name appeared as Caller ID
We would talk for hours and hours
With me smiling and blushing on the other end

That’s when I knew
That it was you and you alone
Cos what we have is uniquely sweet
And pleasantly unrefined
Yeah yeah yeah.... I confess
Listening to that Luther CD
Made me realize.....

One thing that I can’t deny
Is that my red heart goes blue
Like the cold ocean
When I’m not with you
See baby... its true
I’m so in love with you

Bruised But Not Broken..........

Last night as I listened to Joss Stone's Introducing Joss Stone album, the soulful music made me relax and reflect on my love life.. Last year and the first few months of this year has been a rollercoaster ride between emotional bliss and heartbreak hell......

See... I'm what many people call a hopeless romantic. I try so hard to be careful and yet when I fall in love I stop myself from being safe and that's when the problems start, its as if I'm not supposed to let guys know how I feel... Since the moment they realise how much I care, then they start taking me for granted....

Anyway, last year when an undeserving, ungrateful opportunist broke my heart, I snapped.. I began to ask if something was wrong with me, was it because I was fat (I'm a size 16-18)? Is it because I let my feelings show? Am I too emotional? Am I unattractive?

So, the first thing I did was go a diet and exercise regimen and,  my hard work was rewarded by a weight loss of 10kg... It was then that I realised I was doing it for myself since exercising made me happy and got my mind off things. Oh!!! and when I felt lazy, all I needed to motivate myself was the size 14 jeans that I want so badly to wear by December..

Then I met someone else, who of course raised my hopes only to bring them crashing down.... I cried a few tears, couldn't eat for days and couldn't concentrate at work.... That was when a friend sat me down and said..... "Enyo, when you love yourself 100%, you won't give a shit about being loved by someone else"

And then it was Joss Stone's clearly sung lyrics that suddenly got me back into action.....

And i'll be alright

And i'll love again

And the wounds will mend
I'm bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I'll overcome my fear
Its not the end of me
My heart is still open now
I'm bruised but not broken....

Indeed, I am bruised... But I'll be damned if I allow some guy to break me...

WHAT HE WILL NEVER KNOW..........

I want to run, I want to hide.

From all the pain he caused inside.

I want to scream, I want to cry.

But when I see him all I do is smile

Why can't I just tell him Goodbye?


I want to move on but, I just can't let go.

I love him more than he will ever know.

I wish to start over, I want to feel free!

But this pain will never leave me be.


He hurt me bad, the pain is deep.

I believed I was strong but I'm weakened still

From all the promises he couldn't keep.

All the lies, I heard him say.

Are in my head and just won't fade.


How can I forget him and, leave him behind?

Or even, erase the memories from my mind.

Especially when I realise the hard truth.

He doesn't love me, and he never will.

And sadly, he will never know,

How I truly feel.

Crazy Love.......

Hey folks, hope you all having a great day.. Yayy... its Friday (which happens to be my birth day) but sadly, my weekend is gonna be so busy that I may not be able to have some fun.. :-(

Anyways, since its the month of Love, here's a little something something that I wrote when I was thinking about my boo-boo. Hope you like it....

It’s raining outside

As I lay in my bed

Dreaming and wishing

That I was with you

For I really miss you

I remember how it felt

To be in your arms

Realised I never knew

How sweet, love could be

Till you kissed my lips

I remember the experience

Like it was yesterday

Combine the finest of drinks

And it wouldn’t taste the same

I’ve never met a guy

Quite like you

You’ve taken my heart

Plus the rest of my being too

Like a modern day Adonis

The charm still disarms me

Everytime you smile

Could keep writing lines

Morning, noon till night

But I’d rather keep it straight

For the point’s already made

Simply put baby,

I’m crazy about you..

P.S Have a great weekend and don't forget to get something nice for the special people in your life this Valentine.. It doesn't have to be the most expensive of gifts, just something from the heart...

Love y'all....... Peace...