Memories From My Early Twenties: You Haven't Done The Deed Yet?

I've always been a hopeless romantic; at least for as long as I can remember. Yes, I am one of those romance flick aficionados who would cry when after so many obstacles, the hero and heroine of the movie finally declare their love for each other and share a passionate kiss. Well, I guess I learnt at a very early age that those movies were just that - movies. Where do such perfectly calculated endings happen? Not in this world I'm sure.

Anyway, back to the heart of this post. I was 22 and in my final year as an undergraduate at the University of Ghana. I had just returned from a group discussion with one of my closest friends whom, for the sake of anonymity I will call L. L and I  resided at the same hostel and usually did a lot of things together, except when her boyfriend was around. And he was around a whole lot! This made me feel a bit lonely since I would leave them (I no dey like being third wheel). 

So, one day I decide to take a stab at making new "male" friends online. HI5 was the most popular social network at the time, and thanks to the internet cafe within the hostel, I could be online at anytime. I created a profile and began to make friends. A few happened to be students at UG and asked to hang out sometime, but I was a bit nervous and always gave excuses. That happened till I met a guy who seemed friendly and gentlemanly enough. After a couple of chats we exchanged numbers, hung out a couple of times and became very good friends.

Now, at 22 my thoughts on intimacy were quite rigid. It was a wait till marriage affair for me. Heck! I had guys call me frigid because I wouldn't let them touch me in a certain way or initiate anything that would end in a condom being unwrapped, but I was determined not to allow any boy make me weaken my resolve. I saw what some of my friends had gone through and wasn't prepared to lose my mind over a guy. Besides, despite my not-so-commendable relationship with the good Lord, that was one commandment I felt I could at least try to keep.

So, one night as I was telling one of my girlfriends about how I had turned away as this new "boy" friend tried to steal a kiss, another crazy friend of mine screams and says "Oh Enyo! Don't tell me you still haven't done the deed yet." I can still remember the look I got from the lot when I said I was still "Juana La Virgin" at 22. Did they also think I was insane or frigid? Well, they must have for one bluntly stated that I had watched too many "hit and run" movies, which had made me "scared of four legs". I still laugh anytime I hear someone use that term "four legs". Am I the only one who thinks it's quite crass? I was given an earful about how; the first time was painful, the longer I waited the worse the pain got, men wanted "sexually experienced" women to marry. Oh my! It was as if keeping the V untouched at my age was a felony. 

Looking back, I realize that I was one of the lucky ones who didn't give in to peer pressure. I took pride in being different. Why be like everyone else when you can be you. After all, it is differences that are noticed, not similarities. 

Making My Blue Heart Red Again.

When we first met, I didn't think it possible 
My heart, so cold was frozen by the past hurt 
It was kept under lock and key 
But with all the strength I had 
I couldn't fight the feeling deep within 

I tried not to think of you 
To tell myself that what I felt was a mistake 
That I was fine being all by myself 
A lie, even I could not convince myself was true 

I see you and a unique kind of warmth just captures my whole being 
I battle with my feelings as I try to keep you from making my blue heart red again 
For I am afraid you will hurt me 
Afraid my heart will freeze again and the numbness worse than before 

I told myself "don't love him for you will only get hurt" 
Then i closed my eyes and there you were 
Reminding me of all the things I feel 

I'm tired of holding back. 
My longing for you overcame my fear 
Your gentle touch conquered my defenses 
And when you held me in your arms and said you loved me 
The glacier in my heart began to melt 
As the warmth of your love filled my soul.

If Only?

It probably wasn't until I started puting on weight that I started to see how men see the world, how they check out women's bodies. Anytime I spot an attractive lady walking around, I look at all the men around. It's amazing, men who are alone or with other men look brazenly. Even men who are with women  look.

Anyway, last week I was talking with a male friend when this gorgeous lady in high heels struts her stuff past us, I turned and realised - everyone was staring at her. Even my friend. Now, when I told him to stop looking at her all he said was "Afua, you are a pretty girl but you would be getting these kind of stares if only, you would lose some pounds". To say I felt wounded would be putting it lightly...  I guess he realised that what he said hurt me so he apologised but hey, we already know what he was thinking...

So, as I posted my weight change on my weight loss blog, I asked myself, do all guys look at me and think the same thing? Hmmm... If only....

4 and 20 Hours Loving…….

Am I living in a dream world

Or is this the real realm?

Just an innocent touch from you

Lights my fire

And your  friendly kisses take me higher

You make me smile with happiness

Even when  I feel the opposite

 

You helped me to discover me

When others just couldn’t see

The kind of potential within me

I guess it was their jealousy

Of the extent of my versatility

That fuelled their need to drive me crazy

 

But it doesn’t matter now

For as I walk out my front door

My feet lead me to your patio

And since time waits for no man

I’m here tell you this

My heart beats for you

Every 4 and 20 hours

And 7 days per week.

Love Drug………..

Its 10pm

On a cold weekday evening

And raindrops are trickling down the glass louvers.

Johnny Gill’s “My My My”

Plays softly in the background

As you caress my cheeks

And leave a trail of passionate kisses

That send waves of pleasure

Along my already shivering spine

You smile in surprise

As my innocence blows your mind

And your attitude excites me.

Goodness! I’m addicted to you

Like a junkie is to heroin

And I don’t even need

A needle & syringe

To get me high

So baby, hold me tight

And take me to my happy place

Cus I’m ready for another dosage

Of this drug called love….

A Forbidden Desire....

It’s a cold harmattan night,

With no stars in sight

We lie in each other’s arms,

Content with life’s charms

I sigh with desire

As the scent of his perfume

Caresses my nostrils

My body shivers at his touch

As his hands find my sensual spots

His kisses create muscular spasms

My back arcs with yearning,

As natural forces propel me

My mind tells me no

But my body screams yes, yes and yes

Is this the right time? I ask

For I have known no man.

One part of me pleads yea, yea!

And the other screams, Hell No!

But then, I have more time to decide

For the rudely interrupting phone call,

Was my saviour in disguise.