Bruised But Not Broken..........

Last night as I listened to Joss Stone's Introducing Joss Stone album, the soulful music made me relax and reflect on my love life.. Last year and the first few months of this year has been a rollercoaster ride between emotional bliss and heartbreak hell......

See... I'm what many people call a hopeless romantic. I try so hard to be careful and yet when I fall in love I stop myself from being safe and that's when the problems start, its as if I'm not supposed to let guys know how I feel... Since the moment they realise how much I care, then they start taking me for granted....

Anyway, last year when an undeserving, ungrateful opportunist broke my heart, I snapped.. I began to ask if something was wrong with me, was it because I was fat (I'm a size 16-18)? Is it because I let my feelings show? Am I too emotional? Am I unattractive?

So, the first thing I did was go a diet and exercise regimen and,  my hard work was rewarded by a weight loss of 10kg... It was then that I realised I was doing it for myself since exercising made me happy and got my mind off things. Oh!!! and when I felt lazy, all I needed to motivate myself was the size 14 jeans that I want so badly to wear by December..

Then I met someone else, who of course raised my hopes only to bring them crashing down.... I cried a few tears, couldn't eat for days and couldn't concentrate at work.... That was when a friend sat me down and said..... "Enyo, when you love yourself 100%, you won't give a shit about being loved by someone else"

And then it was Joss Stone's clearly sung lyrics that suddenly got me back into action.....

And i'll be alright

And i'll love again

And the wounds will mend
I'm bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I'll overcome my fear
Its not the end of me
My heart is still open now
I'm bruised but not broken....

Indeed, I am bruised... But I'll be damned if I allow some guy to break me...

Insecurity............

Its been a month, eights days and 2 hrs since

My heart snapped into fragmented pieces

For the third time

I remember how things used to be


Back when it all started

You used to look at my cleavage with lustful eyes

And laugh when I caught you staring

Then you would look at me with a tender loving gaze

Before you'd have me cuddled up in your arms



But then you suddenly found it difficult

To even say you care

The romantic gestures you once showed

Vanished, like wisps of smoke into thin air



I longed to hear those three short words

But you just didn’t understand me

Or did you simply refuse to say them,

So you could have the upper hand?



Talking about my weight became your anthem

I thought you cared but the criticism continued

Don't even try to explain

Cus I ain't taking it personal

I finally saw what the real deal was


Oh yes, I found you out

So, you are intimidated

By my capability..........

It took me a while to figure it out

And boy, it sure feels good to know

That you lost me as a result of

Your Insecurity....

PARALLEL LINES

I've been trying to connect with you

Ever since that day that you caught my eye

But you kinda shy and that just keeps

Setting you at such a distant reach

But your smile always warms my heart

Even when we're walking

In parallel lines.

So today I'm gonna do a really brave thing

I heard you got the Chrysler for the weekend

Maybe you could give me a ride to the station

And hopefully, close up the distance

Between the parallel lines that seperate us.